***WARNING: What you are about to read is long, unprofessional and not politically correct. But hey, it is my blog so I suppose I have the right to ramble now and then:) haha***

I am a mess. really.

I suppose from the outside it doesn’t look like it…I have a clean home, a wonderful marriage to a man that I dearly love, a smart healthy growing toddler, a successful business that keeps me busy and gives me a healthy non-mommy outlet to create and share.  I am part of a healthy growing church and am surrounded my amazing selfless genuine people who are willing to pour their lives out for each other and for God’s work.  I am blessed and provided for and even joyful!

But I am a mess. really.

Sometime during this past year I lost what I would say most of my generation has lost without realizing it…intentionality (I may be making that word up haha).  Travel with me back for a moment to “the good old days”…I mean WAY back to the time before there were televisions and computers, even electricity, paved roads and cars.  I would venture to say that these hypothetical people in these hypothetical “good old days” did not struggle with intentionality.  Most of their daily lives were VERY intentional from what time they woke up in the morning (so as to have as much light as possible for work) to when they traveled into “town” for food or supplies…a trip like this would be meticulously intentional from when they would leave to what needed to be purchased to who they would visit along the way.  There was no mindless barging into other people’s lives via the “Facebook comment” (nothing against Facebook btw). If you wanted to correspond with someone you did it through a well thought out hand written letter in which you carefully choose every word even planning the size of the lettering so as not to waste precious page space.

This is NOT a revolt against modern technology and social networking.  All I am saying is that at the pace that our generation keeps, the sheer volume of options, and the near dissolution of consequence, I have lost intentionality in most areas of my life and as a result, my brain and heart are literally mush from all the reactive “doing.”  To put it another way, if you are not approaching each area of your life with intention (read: goals, boundaries, a map) then you are largely just reacting to life…and that is starting to wear me out.  The evidence of this in my life has been the near mental breakdowns recently over relatively minor things… like my child’s illogical dislike for chocolate milk….or said chocolate milk ending up all over the kitchen wall. haha.  I should be able to handle these things right?  But my brain and my heart are just tired, warn out and the important things get replaced by the urgent things in life.

Maybe I am the only one…but maybe not.  I shared the following with my my closest friend who encouraged me to share this with you.  Just in case, like me, you have been charging forward with all of your good intentions, only to find yourself drained and off course…and reacting accordingly.

My father-in-law writes a blog called (in Latin) Scribere est cogitare, “To write is to think.” I 100% believe this to be true in my life. In order to really process through something I have to write it out.  In order to stop the current mental and emotional madness I have felt mounting I needed to really think through the different facets of my life and re-asses, or maybe just remind myself of where I am headed….where I want to be headed that is.  Now, I am not a spreadsheet kind of girl…but I broke up my life into the major elements that make up who I am (or what my various roles are), and came up with my ultimate goals/priorities in each area.

It looks something like this:

Fancy…I know.

Now before I share these with you, you have to know what my intentions are here.  I am not making universal claims about what anyone elses goals should be in these areas (although they may apply).  These are my personal, and I feel Biblical, goals that I want to prioritize, that I have either lost site of or simply pushed aside and that I want to reset my focus on in 2011.  My ultimate hope is that this might encourage you (that you are normal in how you feel), inspire you (maybe you will attempt your own intervention) and maybe even challenge you (perhaps you will come across something you had not considered).  If any of these apply to you then I have a good start on my goal for being a friend (see below) :)  So here it is:

Wife

To minister to my husbands emotional, physical and spiritual needs as his helper.

To always work to grow and strengthen our marriage.

Mom

To create a safe loving environment for physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual growth for my kids.

To teach/minister to my kids by modeling Biblical behavior and teaching Scripture.

Christ follower

To fully and authentically love God.

To serve others by authentically and sacrificially pouring myself out as a reflection of my love for God.

To have a diligent and active prayer life and time learning and meditating on God’s word.

Daughter

To honor (esteem) my parents.

To build them up with love, encouragement and Truth as a Christian sister/daughter.

Sister

To consistently and intentionally love, encourage, and build my siblings up in Truth.

Friend

To be selflessly giving of my time, attention and resources to encourage, uplift and pour into the special friendships God has blessed me with.

To intentionally uplift with Scriptural Truth.

To spend more time selflessly listening first and to focus intentionally on giving in these relationship and less on taking.

Businesswoman

To do my family good (i.e. not cause more stress, strain)

To bring attention/fame to God through my work and the sharing of myself with others

To ultimately acknowledge that this is God’s business to do what he wants, not mine

Manager of the home

To add organization and reliability to the way that I care for and administrate the home

To add more consistency, diligence, planning and order

Healthy Individual (Physically)

To take care of my body through healthy eating, sleep and consistent excercise.

Healthy Individual (emotionally)

Consistent quiet time for myself

Boundaries with my kids

Mental control/order/peace

What I plan to do is to turn each of these major goals into tangible daily or weekly action goals.  Not necessarily for every area – but enough that I feel like I have tangible things that I am doing and a tangible way of measuring whether or not I am focusing on what I have deemed to be my priorities.  This year I want to be intentional about what I take on in every area.  I want to be acting and no re-acting to my life and I want to be sure that I am getting to the important and not merely always responding to the urgent.

While I am pouring out my heart haha, let me add a verse that God showed me yesterday that will be on the wall of my office for sure this year:

“Let your work appear to Your servants   (God please show me the work that you have for me)

and your glory to their children    (Help my do-ing of that work to show your greatness to my children)

And let the beauty (favor) of the Lord our God be upon us, (let me experience more of you God)

and establish the work of our hands for us; (Please bless what I am putting my effort into)

Yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:16-17

I hope that by sharing this you are in some way encouraged, inspired or challenged.  I would love to hear your thoughts anytime:)

Love,

Shay